Today's Subject: Handbags

Because I often left behind my purse, I preferred pockets. (If I forget my pockets, I have problems larger than a lost driver’s license. But I digress…) Cash, keys, ID, maybe a tissue or two all fit. Oh, the stuff added a bulge or two, but with my hips, no one noticed.

Then I had children. Even my saddlebags couldn’t conceal bottles, diapers, and wipes. After a few tantrums---which made Audrey from Little Shop of Horrors sound like a mouse---I NEVER went anywhere without a two-ton diaper bag hanging from my shoulder.

Eventually the children outgrew bottles and diapers, and I went back to stuffing my pockets. The only exception came with dressy affairs. Unfortunately, few people dare to invite a couple with six children. (Who needs a reason to hire a babysitter more? But I digress…) In case a minor miracle comes my way, I own two clutches. I don’t know why. I waste more time trying to stuff necessities into these teeny, tiny accessories than I spend standing in line for my own bathroom. Clutches should come with built-in pagers, but even a microchip won’t fit.

Anyway, a few months ago I discovered my pockets could no longer hold everything I needed to carry. Some days a moving van lacks ample space for my notebooks, pens, papers, photos, make-up (lest I look like Frankenstein’s bride—with my hair that’s not much of a stretch---but I digress…again), the kitchen sink, and etc. So I caved and bought a tote bag. Nothing fancy. Durable vinyl denim. Hundreds of pockets so I can’t find anything until I no longer need it.

Now, if you’re a mom, you know handbags serve as receptacles for everything. Papers for school, pens to steal, snack to stave off starvation, and TRASH. Whenever my bag is closer than the wastebasket, the kids stuff their gum and candy wrappers into my purse. While I appreciate their anti-litter campaign, I wish my bag wouldn’t be on HazMat’s watch list.

So today I decided to clean out my tote. After surpassing a lawn and leaf bag’s maximum capacity, I finally reached bottom. There I found the chocolate licorice I purchased before Christmas. Curious, I bent a stick, which snapped and cut my finger. Now if only I could find a Band-Aid.

Have you discovered any long lost treasures in your purse? If so, I’d love to hear your story.